I just had a birthday pass and despite the obvious reasons of why a woman who is 29+ wouldn’t want to see another year come and go, I also have a habit of judging my life based on some mythical calendar of events. Married by 25, check, baby by 28, check, career by 30, check, millionaire by 35. Uh, I must have been absent that day, can I get a make up test? But seriously, how many of us are guilty of judging our success in life by some timeline of when everything is supposed to happen? And if we don’t measure up to something, say you didn’t marry until after 30, then we’re abnormal, defective, or even BEHIND. It’s time to unplug from that lie!

I could take up this entire blog naming all the people that didn’t do things in the order that other people said they should to be normal. I am beginning to wonder what this “normal” really is, because I haven’t met one person yet who lines up to that definition. Who are these people making these rules for us in the first place? You never hear who they really are, you just hear people say things like, “Well, you know what ‘they’ say?” Who are “they”? I have a sneaky suspicion that “they” aren’t really all that cool anyway and here we have been worried about what “they” think all of our lives. Well not me, “they” can shove it!

Some of you may have already unplugged from what society thinks of you but you have still given your life decisions over to someone else’s idea of what you should be. Maybe it’s a church or a group of friends that have become the new measuring stick for your life. No matter who it is setting the standard for your life, if it’s not your own heart you have missed the mark. I met a woman recently who has always home schooled her children, everyone in her “world” also home schools their children. She has a child that now wants to go to school and she is torn on what to do. Go with your gut is my advice, God gave you that child, not some secret society of home schoolers, you know that child better than anyone else, follow after peace in your heart and do what you feel is right for your family.

Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of great teachers who have been put in your life to help you really get the most out of it, but when they start saying things like “you always should” or “you can’t” start running in the other direction. This thing isn’t one size fits all, it’s great to teach people tools they can use to better their own personal journey but once they start telling you how to live day in and day out that’s where you have to draw the line. Those are decisions that you are supposed to make yourself.

I have decided to live my life according to a master time line, one that isn’t controlled by society, my peers or even my own family’s ideas of success. A timeframe that has been mapped out specifically for me and nobody else. It’s my timeline, my one and only life, and I’m gonna go with my heart on how to live it. Stop allowing others and yourself to put limitations on your life.

The bottom line is this, we need to stop getting our cues from others and start getting them from that little voice inside that tells us who we really are. Go with your own flow! I remember when I was a little kid and I was on a cheerleading squad. I didn’t want to be a cheerleader but I felt pressure to do what all the other girls my age were doing. I was already about 5’5” at 10 years old and as coordinated as a new born giraffe, not a pretty sight. We had this one cheer where at the end we were supposed to do a little dance of our own choosing. Well, all the other girls chose to do something very similar and safe but I just did whatever came “naturally” to me. I am sure it looked like a train wreck to all the other lemmings watching, but I didn’t care! Make a decision not to care what “they” think and start caring what “you” think. I guarantee it’s one of the biggest steps towards becoming the “real you.”

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes, "And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

Dance, baby, dance!!

I was greeted this morning by the most annoying and painful sound. My husband got a new alarm clock and iPhone dock for Christmas and decided to lovingly set it for me. I don’t know what he set the sound to, but I think it was the “Foghorn Leghorn” setting. Needless to say, it was a rude awakening. I tried to find the off button, which I did by pushing every button on the top of the thing, that’s what I like to call the “woman method”. This method also includes shaking things to get them to turn on and beating on the side of them to get them to work properly. I would love to be an IT tech at a company, every time someone calls about a problem with their computer I would just go down and smack the side of it a few times, smile, and say, “Always works for me.” LOL

But back to my painful awakening, it was amplified by the fact that I had stayed up the night before until 2 am, and the previous two nights until midnight. I became aware in that loud moment that I really needed to get to bed earlier. It made me start thinking about the purpose of pain in our lives, I know pain seems like a bad thing but it really is just a wake up call (albeit a hard one) that tells us that something needs to change in our lives.

I have been looking at pain differently for quite awhile now because I realized that every time I started experiencing pain in a certain area of life, like a relationship or with my physical health, it was happening because I really needed to make a change in the way I was doing things. It’s easy to think of these things in a negative way but I encourage you to remember that there isn’t any lose, only win or learn!

Think of pain like an annoying alarm clock or the service engine light on your car. It’s there to show you that something is not right and you need to start focusing on this area and see what needs to be done differently. I remember watching a show on TV about a little girl with a nervous system defect that caused her to not be able to feel pain. Her parents couldn’t let her do the simplest thing like brush her teeth because if she applied to much pressure she wouldn’t know it until the blood began to flow. There was no pain to warn her that she wasn’t doing it the right way, and if she didn’t stop it might cause permanent damage.

Pain is your friend, it’s a caution sign that you are headed for trouble unless you change your direction. Take a few minutes to think about an area of your life where you have been having some pain, maybe it’s in your marriage, perhaps there has been a lot of fighting and resentment. Now ask yourself what needs to change, and don’t just say him or her! Ha ha! But really seek truth, what can YOU do differently to make it work better. A lot of times pain in relationships is caused by neglect. It could be as easy as spending some more quality time together that doesn’t involve talking about the kids or the bills. Just time together doing something that you both enjoy. If you have nothing in common then find something, there has to be at least one thing!

Don’t ignore pain in any area of your life but seek to understand what changes need to be made. I have heard story after story of people who ignored pain in their lives for years when a few changes could have completely altered the outcome of their situation. The truth is that the pain associated with making changes is only temporary, but the pain of never changing lasts forever.

It’s time to wake up and start living your Real Life!

'Tis the Season, to reminisce about past lovers and relationships. Let’s face it this time of year brings up all kinds of warm and fuzzy memories about those with whom we used to share our lives, in the Days of Yore. Everything about the holiday season seems to conjure up a rose colored version of the past. From movies like When Harry Met Sally and Serendipity to songs like Auld Lang Syne, all are designed to help romanticize and reframe all the events of your failed relationships.

Okay, I hear you humming now, just stop right there! Let’s have a little reality check, shall we? The reason why Romeo In Black Jeans from 1997’s holiday party isn’t decking the halls with you today is because he turned out to be a two-timing, momma’s boy. Ah, it’s all coming back to you now, isn’t it?

Look, I know at this time of year it’s so tempting to pick up the phone and call the proverbial “one who got away”. You’re probably sitting in your car right now singing off-key to Adele’s Someone Like You, your breath smelling of rum laced eggnog, and imagining the look on his face when you walk through the door of his favorite bar. Easy there Santa’s little helper, this isn’t a cheesy Hallmark movie with that kid from Home Improvement. This, alas, is real life!

So don’t be fooled by the hypnotic twinkly lights and the intoxicating smell of cinnamon, this isn’t the season for do over’s. But it is the season for a new beginning. So instead of chasing ghosts of Christmas past why not open a new chapter of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas, and start making some happy memories.

Maybe the lover you’re trying to forget was just in your arms last holiday and this is your first Christmas without him. Trust me, going backward, even if it’s only in your mind, isn’t going to get you anywhere.

He changed and so did you, going forward is the only option now. The unknown can be scary and sometimes we want to go to a place in our mind that seems warm and cozy with a fire brightly lit and chestnuts roasting. A place in our past where we felt the most loved and the most secure, a place in the heart called home. But the truth is, home is anywhere where you are accepted for who you are, and he didn’t love you like that.

You have changed now. You have grown, become stronger, and more comfortable in your own skin. More determined than ever to be with someone who gets every bit of you and loves you for it! It’s A Wonderful Life after all and there are great things ahead in this New Year just for you. Stop sitting around reminiscing about what if and what was, and start thinking about what could be.

Besides he wouldn’t find you even if he came looking, the girl he used to know doesn’t even live here anymore… you do!

Nationwide Insurance wasn’t kidding, life really does come at you fast. It could be much worse; at least I didn’t go to sleep and wake up as a card carrying member of the AARP with a condo in Florida and a plastic hip. For now time is still on my side but for how long...life is so unpredictable and I spend far too much time on the things that in the final equation don’t really measure up to very much.

Remember the cute little movie Pollyanna, starring Haley Mills. It's a story about a little orphan girl who goes to live with her mean aunt. As you may already suspect (since it's a Disney movie) the little girl melts the aunt's heart and they live happily ever after. The thing that really made an impression on me in this movie was the scene where they played "The Glad Game". The characters in the movie were hating life because every Sunday they all had to go to the town church where the preacher gave everyone indigestion with his sermons. As they are all moping around feeling sorry for themselves she says, "Let's play the glad game." They all laugh her to scorn and declare to her "What's there to be glad about?" She simply says "Be glad that there's 6 full days before Sunday comes around again." Pollyanna taught the characters in the movie that no matter how bad one situation is there is always something you can be thankful for anyway.

I recently did this with my kids. My 10 year old would come home every day bemoaning the tragedy that is 5th grade. Everyday at about 4:10pm I had to listen to a half hour of "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms!" As soon as my little one walked through the door with her sunken face and stooped shoulders, I would immediately ask "What's wrong now?" Then she would spill out her tale of woe, creepy boys and menacing girls, bad school lunches and grouchy teachers. One day the light bulb came on in my head, I realized that rehearsing all this negative junk wasn't making anything better. It might make you feel better to "vent" but in the long run it doesn't solve any problems and makes everyone around you feel bad too. So the next time my sweet little girl popped her head through the door, I immediately asked "What's right today?" You should of seen the look on her face, she was like a baby deer in the headlights. I continued, "Tell me what's right in your world today?" She thought for a few minutes and then began to reluctantly name a few things that she considered blessings or that were going right in her little life at the moment. The more she thought about what was right the happier she became until the negative events of the day didn't matter anymore.

The truth is there are plenty of things to complain about on any given day. You would be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't have some negative circumstances in their life right now. Some we have created for ourselves and some are beyond our control. There is always going to be something in life that isn't going your way. If you don't have anything now you will some day soon. It's the just the way it is. The good news is that for every thing that is going wrong there are 5 things that are going right, you're breathing ain't 'cha?

On this day of thanks I challenge you to ask yourself, "What's right in my life?" I guarantee the more you rehearse your blessings instead of your frustrations the better you will feel and the happier you will become. Even if on this holiday you have to be with people that give you indigestion...be thankful you have family and friends to get together with and if that fails to lighten your spirits, be glad, it's a full 364 days before Thanksgiving rolls around again. :)

Every little girl loves a good fairytale, anything that starts with Once Upon A Time and ends with Happily Ever After…Yes, that’s for us! We like the drama and the adventure; castles, dragons, towers with long-haired beauties and of course let us not forget the con current theme throughout every good fairytale…. the elusive, handsome prince.

I mean who doesn’t want to be rescued on a white horse, or chosen above all the other beauties in the land…(sorry, girls he picked me…better luck next time!) I especially loved the Cinderella fairytale; I mean what’s not to love. There is political intrigue (Prince has to marry or the kingdom will be destroyed). There is drama (poor little Cinderella, abused and forgotten) there’s a magic wand that creates beautiful clothes and great shoes….this story has it all.

So imagine my surprise after kissing my share of frogs I finally find my handsome prince… He chooses me… he proposes in the moonlight under a canopy of stars (or maybe it was Starbuck's ... but who’s keeping track) Takes me to his castle (condo) and what’s this…I hear the pitter patter of little feet...hold on a second this part is supposed to come after the honeymoon. The sound grows louder, the feet sound bigger, and then there they are… little pre-teen versions of my handsome prince…what is happening...I feel faint…could it be, Prince Charming has…kids!!!! NOoooooooooooo! One of them opens their mouth to speak…Are you going to be our stepmother? And then it hits me, I’m not Cinderella in this fairy tale at all, I’m the wicked STEPMOTHER!!

I often hear people tell sad stories of their past and then end their tale with the phrase, “But I wouldn’t change a thing.” I don’t know where that phrase came from but people seem to really like it, maybe it makes them feel better about all their bad choices or the unhappy things that have happened to them that weren’t in their control.

Well, this is one girl that isn’t afraid to admit, I’d change A LOT of things! Sure it’s true that I am the sum total of all my experiences and they have all made me who I am today, but some of what they have made me isn’t that great. I still struggle in a few areas because of some things that happened in my life that quite frankly I could have done without. I’m not perfect. Gasp! Oh the horror!

You remember what it's like...you're exhausted more than you ever thought humanly possible, your throat is so dry it feels like cardboard, and you're in the most excruciating pain known to womankind...and then you hear the doctor say "PUSH!" What? Your mind struggles to process that this nice smelling human being, whose hair is still in place and whose clothes are still clean and pressed is telling you... a woman turned animal who is half naked surrounded by strangers, probably sitting in her own excrement, to do something for him?

HELLO! The truth is that we don't reach deep inside and grab that last ounce of energy for him, we do it for that baby, that life that has been growing inside us for what seems like an eternity. We have spent night after night dreaming about what it's going to be like to hold that little dream in our arms and watch it grow up and become all it can be. So... we... PUSH!

Mae West said that, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” That just cracks me up because sometimes marriage will make you feel certifiably insane. If anyone thought God didn’t have a great sense of humor they have obviously never been married. Put two creatures together that are so completely opposite in almost every way, throw in a bunch of problems to solve, a few offspring then sit back with a bowl of popcorn and watch the fun begin.

Haremby Butterworth? Yeah, I know him.

I frequently get a call on my cell phone for Haremby Butterworth, “No, I am not Haremby.” I politely tell the ravenous creditors for the hundredth time, but they keep calling, imagine that!