She was my coworker. She even gave my husband and I our "company baby shower". I was sitting at work replaying the night before over and over again. He told me her name. She was the one he'd cheated with... While I was eight months pregnant with his son. I felt betrayed. Twice. Once by him and once from her. She showed up for work, having no idea that I knew. The overwhelming emotion of betrayal caused me to run to the ladies room for my escape. I dropped to my knees. Weak. Sick. Violently sick. With a flood of emotions I could feel my pounding pulse with every heart beat.

While this may not be your scenario, every divorce has its own emotional pain. I have seen it crush the hearts of men, women and children. It has changed the "Family Tree" of so many homes. That being said, it doesn't need to destroy you. You can be broken and not be destroyed. You can rise above it! From personal experience, I am a proven example of that. Through my faith and walking through steps, I know for a fact there IS life after divorce.

Maybe you were the one that brought the crashing effects of divorce into your home. Or maybe you are the one left broken and crushed because of the betrayal. Whoever you are and whatever the scenario, you can't look at yesterday for it is gone. Tomorrow may never come. So, choose to live TODAY and begin the healing process of divorce!

Step One: Stand still and make no fast changes or decisions. We often want to "fix" it and make it all feel better. I found out the hard way. You must stand in the emotion of what has just happened. Allow yourself time to cry, to scream, allow anger, question God (yes, God is big enough to handle your questions) and feel every emotion needed to look divorce in the face and learn how to deal with it and not run.

Step Two: Put yourself around those that will just LOVE you and not try to FIX you! So many great family members and close friends want to run to you and help fix your problem. In the kindness of their hearts they want to take your pain and confusion away. Tell them that you just need them to "Be there", without judgment, advice or opinion. The presence of those that just love you can help you begin the healing.

Step Three: This is not a fun step at all.... Forgive. Yes I said forgive. Forgiving the one who broke your heart is not for them. It is for you to be able to heal and move on yourself. I'm not saying that you forget… I said forgive. This doesn't mean you have to treat them like a new best friend, or that you don't still hurt or even almost hate that person. It means you want the hold that they have on you to be broken. You want to be set free. This step doesn't happen a day or two after divorce. It takes time.

Step Four: Find YOU! You might be single with no children, or you could be a single dad or mom. Whoever you are, find the new you. Once you have walked through a divorce you need to find out who you now will be. And learn to love yourself in a way that maybe you have neglected for some time. What do you want out of life that maybe you were putting on hold. You need to take time to find yourself. Take some YOU TIME!

Step Five: Move on... maybe you want love again; maybe you’re looking to just be single and date. You could be a single parent that wants to just raise your children and not think of having a relationship. No matter what or where you go in life afterwards, know that you can make it. I now am married to a wonderful man. As a blended family we have learned what a happy marriage with love and respect can feel like...

I'll leave you with this for now; learn to WANT others in your life, but not NEED them to survive. Know that with the strengths in you, your faith and courage, you can be courageous and live a blessed and beautiful life after divorce.