With a new year upon us, I like to reflect on where I've been and where I'm heading. Sometimes those answers are not quite what I wanted or expected and sometimes they exceed my expectations. I always find it good to take time to think about life, purpose, what is important and what is not.

Sometimes we get bogged down with too many commitments and too many "things" in our lives that are not really that important or meaningful. Taking inventory on a regular basis is always a good thing to do! Sometimes I find it hard to say no because I always want to please others. That always leads me to frustration and unhappiness because I'm doing something out of obligation rather than doing it because God wants me to and because I really want to! Taking inventory can help you become aware of those things that bog you down so you can take action and remove them from your life!

I was greeted this morning by the most annoying and painful sound. My husband got a new alarm clock and iPhone dock for Christmas and decided to lovingly set it for me. I don’t know what he set the sound to, but I think it was the “Foghorn Leghorn” setting. Needless to say, it was a rude awakening. I tried to find the off button, which I did by pushing every button on the top of the thing, that’s what I like to call the “woman method”. This method also includes shaking things to get them to turn on and beating on the side of them to get them to work properly. I would love to be an IT tech at a company, every time someone calls about a problem with their computer I would just go down and smack the side of it a few times, smile, and say, “Always works for me.” LOL

But back to my painful awakening, it was amplified by the fact that I had stayed up the night before until 2 am, and the previous two nights until midnight. I became aware in that loud moment that I really needed to get to bed earlier. It made me start thinking about the purpose of pain in our lives, I know pain seems like a bad thing but it really is just a wake up call (albeit a hard one) that tells us that something needs to change in our lives.

I have been looking at pain differently for quite awhile now because I realized that every time I started experiencing pain in a certain area of life, like a relationship or with my physical health, it was happening because I really needed to make a change in the way I was doing things. It’s easy to think of these things in a negative way but I encourage you to remember that there isn’t any lose, only win or learn!

Think of pain like an annoying alarm clock or the service engine light on your car. It’s there to show you that something is not right and you need to start focusing on this area and see what needs to be done differently. I remember watching a show on TV about a little girl with a nervous system defect that caused her to not be able to feel pain. Her parents couldn’t let her do the simplest thing like brush her teeth because if she applied to much pressure she wouldn’t know it until the blood began to flow. There was no pain to warn her that she wasn’t doing it the right way, and if she didn’t stop it might cause permanent damage.

Pain is your friend, it’s a caution sign that you are headed for trouble unless you change your direction. Take a few minutes to think about an area of your life where you have been having some pain, maybe it’s in your marriage, perhaps there has been a lot of fighting and resentment. Now ask yourself what needs to change, and don’t just say him or her! Ha ha! But really seek truth, what can YOU do differently to make it work better. A lot of times pain in relationships is caused by neglect. It could be as easy as spending some more quality time together that doesn’t involve talking about the kids or the bills. Just time together doing something that you both enjoy. If you have nothing in common then find something, there has to be at least one thing!

Don’t ignore pain in any area of your life but seek to understand what changes need to be made. I have heard story after story of people who ignored pain in their lives for years when a few changes could have completely altered the outcome of their situation. The truth is that the pain associated with making changes is only temporary, but the pain of never changing lasts forever.

It’s time to wake up and start living your Real Life!

When I saw the news on Facebook that Vanessa Bryant filed for divorce, I was shocked! Not because I think Kobe is faithful (or remotely handsome - but that's beside the point), but because she stayed with him through that whole highly-publicized and humiliating rape accusation that resulted in him publicly admitting he had an affair. If she didn't leave him then (or at least shortly after), I didn't think she ever would. Plus, Vanessa was only eighteen when she married the NBA star, so basically she doesn't know life without him. Unfortunately, we have no reason to doubt TMZ's reports that Vanessa was sick of Kobe's infidelity, so I guess sometimes enough is enough.

I'm truly sad for them though. No matter how rich, how famous, or how whatever you are, it's devastating when you commit your life to someone and things do not work out. It's devastating for them and for their children. Personally, I believe that people don't try hard enough to make their marriages work, but who knows what went on behind closed doors? "Irreconcilable differences" could mean anything. I can at least appreciate the fact that they gave it a chance (Kim K's 72-day sham will always make me appreciate this fact), but I am a happily-ever-after girl and I believe "ever after" means "ever after".

Of course this type of high-profile breakup between a pro-basketball star and a virtual no-name makes people immediately ask about a prenuptial agreement. Apparently, Kobe Bryant didn't have one.

According to TMZ:

"Given that the marriage has lasted more than a decade and the pre-marriage assets are commingled with what was accumulated during the marriage, the assets are distributed based on the community property laws of California -- which means a 50/50 split."

This news predictably caused a firestorm reaction via social media with accusations flying that Vanessa is a "gold-digger" who "didn't play basketball" and doesn't "deserve his money". "Plus", the hysterical tweets add, "she got that 8 million dollar 'apology' ring back in '03".

These are the same sort of conversations that flew around the news of Dwayne Wade's divorce and (though it was before social media's ubiquitous time) Michael Jordan's divorce too. So typical. Your basketball hero double dribbles and thus must turnover his ring and you're mad at the ref. Okay, that was a bad analogy, but seriously...

How does Kobe Bryant's lack of a prenuptial agreement ten years ago make Vanessa Bryant a gold-digger?

And, why in these types of situations where a philandering husband is forced to split his assets with the woman he scorned is the woman always vilified?

Is Kobe Bryant "ignorant" for not having a pre-nup? Or is he ignorant for cheating on his wife?

Looks like Kobe Bryant didn't need a pre-nup to protect himself from her anyway. He needed a pre-nup to protect himself from himself. He is the one who didn't keep his basketball on his home court. An NBA contract is not a license to bed-hop and marrying an NBA star shouldn't mean you have to turn a blind eye. Why is she the one being maligned here? Why should he be able to sweep a child off her feet, marry her, introduce her to a life she would have never caught a glimpse of otherwise (while simultaneously pre-empting any chance she had for building a life for herself), have babies with her, cheat on her (subjecting her to AIDS, herpes, and everything else lurking in the underpants of a high percentage of society) and then leave her high and dry? Is this fair just because he plays basketball? No.

In most situations, I'm not a pre-nup fan. I understand people come into marriages with all types of different assets and debts - this is magnified when one of the people entering the marriage is loaded. However, when you commit your life to someone you commit your life. If you decide you're no longer about that life, then you suffer the consequences - financial or otherwise.  

A pre-nuptial agreement only works as it should when the person who did the dirt is the one who doesn't have the money in the relationship (see: Sandra Bullock and Jesse James). A pre-nuptial agreement is not a get-out-of-marriage free card and shouldn't be treated as such. Besides, it is not as though the person who is perceived as the financial "beneficiary" of the lack of pre-nup leaves the marriage unscathed. It's a tough situation all around.

The saddest thing about this situation is what it reveals about the state of our generation. This is a 29-year-old woman and a 33-year-old man who are the parents of two small children and who are facing a life without each other after ten whole years. And instead of hoping for reconciliation for this broken home all we can ask is "did he have a pre-nup?"

What a magical place!  Christmas lights, the hustle & bustle of people shopping for the last minute gifts, the smells of food from the hot dog stands on every corner, the absolutely amazing architecture, and the beautiful Christmas windows!  That is just for starters!  My trip to New York City at Christmas was one of the best trips I've ever taken.  

The view from my room on the 29th floor of the Hilton Garden Inn on 35th Street was amazing.  I could see the Empire State Building across the street and the largest store in the world, Macy's on 34th Street!  It was so close to everything too!  We arrived late Thursday night and immediately strolled down to Times Square.  New York City is truly the city that never sleeps!  People were everywhere and the city was alive!

On my blog I talk a lot about design.

How I come to the conclusion of furniture placement, textiles, accessories and art.

There a saying that "Beauty is skin deep, but ugliness runs clear to the bone!"  This is partly true.  Ugliness does run clear to the bone, but so does beauty!  Beauty is a reflection of what is on the inside!  It is our attitudes, our outlook on life, our beliefs, our integrity, and yes, of course it is our appearance.  If your attitudes are good, your outlook positive, a strong heritage of values & belief, and if you are a person of honesty & integrity, then your beauty will always shine through!  However, if you are a person with a bad attitude, a negative perspective, and someone who doesn't hold true to a strong value & belief system and is not truly a person of integrity, then it will be reflected outwardly.

When someone is truly beautiful, they are successful in life.  They are people you want to be around.  They create beauty where ever they go!  Have you ever seen a beautiful woman from a distance but then you take a closer look and her attitude is bad and then you realize she doesn't look so beautiful after all?  What about a woman who looks average from a distance, but when you get to know her, find she is so sweet, caring & beautiful inside that you find her beauty to shine through?  What is more appealing to you:  the first example or the second?  Which would you rather be?  

Nationwide Insurance wasn’t kidding, life really does come at you fast. It could be much worse; at least I didn’t go to sleep and wake up as a card carrying member of the AARP with a condo in Florida and a plastic hip. For now time is still on my side but for how long...life is so unpredictable and I spend far too much time on the things that in the final equation don’t really measure up to very much.

Remember the cute little movie Pollyanna, starring Haley Mills. It's a story about a little orphan girl who goes to live with her mean aunt. As you may already suspect (since it's a Disney movie) the little girl melts the aunt's heart and they live happily ever after. The thing that really made an impression on me in this movie was the scene where they played "The Glad Game". The characters in the movie were hating life because every Sunday they all had to go to the town church where the preacher gave everyone indigestion with his sermons. As they are all moping around feeling sorry for themselves she says, "Let's play the glad game." They all laugh her to scorn and declare to her "What's there to be glad about?" She simply says "Be glad that there's 6 full days before Sunday comes around again." Pollyanna taught the characters in the movie that no matter how bad one situation is there is always something you can be thankful for anyway.

I recently did this with my kids. My 10 year old would come home every day bemoaning the tragedy that is 5th grade. Everyday at about 4:10pm I had to listen to a half hour of "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms!" As soon as my little one walked through the door with her sunken face and stooped shoulders, I would immediately ask "What's wrong now?" Then she would spill out her tale of woe, creepy boys and menacing girls, bad school lunches and grouchy teachers. One day the light bulb came on in my head, I realized that rehearsing all this negative junk wasn't making anything better. It might make you feel better to "vent" but in the long run it doesn't solve any problems and makes everyone around you feel bad too. So the next time my sweet little girl popped her head through the door, I immediately asked "What's right today?" You should of seen the look on her face, she was like a baby deer in the headlights. I continued, "Tell me what's right in your world today?" She thought for a few minutes and then began to reluctantly name a few things that she considered blessings or that were going right in her little life at the moment. The more she thought about what was right the happier she became until the negative events of the day didn't matter anymore.

The truth is there are plenty of things to complain about on any given day. You would be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't have some negative circumstances in their life right now. Some we have created for ourselves and some are beyond our control. There is always going to be something in life that isn't going your way. If you don't have anything now you will some day soon. It's the just the way it is. The good news is that for every thing that is going wrong there are 5 things that are going right, you're breathing ain't 'cha?

On this day of thanks I challenge you to ask yourself, "What's right in my life?" I guarantee the more you rehearse your blessings instead of your frustrations the better you will feel and the happier you will become. Even if on this holiday you have to be with people that give you indigestion...be thankful you have family and friends to get together with and if that fails to lighten your spirits, be glad, it's a full 364 days before Thanksgiving rolls around again. :)

No regrets this year. No stress with your tinsel.  

Isn't it time we simplified our holidays and remember what they're really about?

Every year, folks run around like crazy people trying to do everything this time of year - the cards, the gifts, the events...the list of holiday "musts" heap a heavy burden on already disorganized lives.

As professional organizers, we're in homes every day. We see firsthand the "overage" caused by the seasonal crush. We see the overage manifested in piles of receipts, returns, memorabilia, undone to-dos, and clothes that don't fit come January.

That's why our team at Restoring Order has labored over a special holiday offering we've prepared just for you. It's a FREE week-long inspirational email series called "Ending Holiday OVERwhelm: Avoiding Common "Overs" That Spoil the Season."

In this series, I'll cover common "overs" to avoid:

So here we are coming to the end of another year. Traditionally approaching the end of the year signifies the season of multiple holidays, holiday parties, and increased shopping. This "Most wonderful time of the year" evokes so much pressure to spend, spend, spend!

Add this pressure to your normal holiday activities and expectations and you may find yourself over-loaded with stress! So many of us struggle with it, especially during this time of the year, due to issues such as:

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose." -Jo Courdert

...

She was my coworker. She even gave my husband and I our "company baby shower". I was sitting at work replaying the night before over and over again. He told me her name. She was the one he'd cheated with... While I was eight months pregnant with his son. I felt betrayed. Twice. Once by him and once from her. She showed up for work, having no idea that I knew. The overwhelming emotion of betrayal caused me to run to the ladies room for my escape. I dropped to my knees. Weak. Sick. Violently sick. With a flood of emotions I could feel my pounding pulse with every heart beat.

While this may not be your scenario, every divorce has its own emotional pain. I have seen it crush the hearts of men, women and children. It has changed the "Family Tree" of so many homes. That being said, it doesn't need to destroy you. You can be broken and not be destroyed. You can rise above it! From personal experience, I am a proven example of that. Through my faith and walking through steps, I know for a fact there IS life after divorce.

Mae West said that, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” That just cracks me up because sometimes marriage will make you feel certifiably insane. If anyone thought God didn’t have a great sense of humor they have obviously never been married. Put two creatures together that are so completely opposite in almost every way, throw in a bunch of problems to solve, a few offspring then sit back with a bowl of popcorn and watch the fun begin.